All in all, I think it was helpful in some ways but not in others. I feel reasurred that I do understand how Worldspreads do their business which of late I had felt a bit hazy on. It was also very interesting to find myself amongst other clients. Some looked similar to myself, lost in a sea of suits. Of a less helpful nature is perhaps a confusion that I thought I had dispelled with regard to the style of trading that I believe is best for me. I find myself considering day trading again. But as I sit here, thinking rationally, I still don’t believe that is a viable (or should I say profitable) option for me.

One other thing I found quite interesting was that the level of unease about financial institutions at the moment seems to be even higher than I had believed it to be. Whilst not exactly off my radar, (I have not exactly been keeping a close eye on the stock markets), I expected some pessimism about the markets but there appeared to be a much higher level of fear in the room than I would have thought likely. Northern Rock, it would appear, is in even deeper trouble than I had noticed.

These are merely my impressions of the evening. I’d like to go through the material that they have provided and perhaps run through what I will take from it as a Stepping Stone.

P.S. I’ve just deleted my order for Oil. Once again I pick a winner but chicken out! It’s heading towards 97.50 which would almost have been a doubling of my account size. Everything is so easy in hindsight.

My desire and interest to re-enter the markets has been fluctuating. This has as much to do with other things that I have been doing as it has with my own thoughts and feelings about the experiment that I had embarked on several months ago. At first, it was a desire to take a break, not just from any open positions but from everything in general. Indeed the month of October was a steady decline into complete burn-out. During the past few months, with work during the day and other projects such as my trading and this blog taking up my time afterwards, I had been burning the candle at both ends and it eventually caught up. A project I had been working on went live in October so that was my priority and the trading fell by the wayside.

At the tail end of October though, I think it had more to do with the fact that I had been out so long already, much longer than I had originally intended plus there was a nagging fear that I would lose everything. I must admit I don’t think I have completely overcome that fear but it is more in control. Add in a mix of other interests and personal projects and the time soon flies by. So we come to this week.

I have been slowly and haphazardly reintroducing myself to this world of trading by keeping an eye on a handful of markets and today I finally put in an order for a long position in Oil. Having already missed the boat a couple of times I was determined not to miss it again, then a little of the fear and probably some greed took hold and I moved my order much lower to the point that I felt sure it wouldn’t be hit today and possibly not for several days. Sure enough my original order would have been hit later in the day and at the close I would have been ahead. With my current account size, it would have made quite an impact.

So while I have re-entered the fray, it’s more on the edges, in the back, near the emergency exit and I probably only have a little toe inside the room at all. Still, it’s a start, but to where?

Today, roughly speaking, if I had entered long positions in Oil, Gold and Soybeans around the time I was stopped out of soybeans, I would be looking at an account position around the €2,500 mark. Take away the soybeans and gold, which I probably would not have gotten into straight away as my account is so small and I would still be at the break even mark. I feel sick. Hell, even if I had entered two weeks ago, when I felt my absence was stretching a bit long, I would still be much better off.

So where does that leave me? Do I now wait for a correction or do I open a position now expecting the trend to continue? I find myself still hesitating. I am wary of waiting for a correction which requires me to guess a good price. Also, I’m not sure whether I should buy now as there has already been such huge movements recently.

Caught between, jumping one way or another, I find myself sinking further which then introduces the overriding factor. I don’t trust myself to make the correct decision when I feel like this. I can feel the panic. It’s the same feeling as when I am losing large amounts of money. Losing money and not making money, to me, feels the exact same. So, I figure that perhaps the best move to make at the moment is not to make one at all, until the panic has subsided. But is that the right move?